Tequila
by kennareigning
Summary: In retrospect, she wouldn't have done that. In retrospect, she would have moved her hand away, and not bitten her lip in desire when he looked at her.


_**A/N**: Once again, this one-shot has Lindstead and Ruzek/Lindsay. It's told mainly from Erin's point of view, and then a little bit of Jay's. Hope you like it!_

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**Tequila**

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She was finishing up what felt like the most difficult shift in a long time. A stand-off with a drug addict, who had been threatening to OD right in front of them because she had nothing else to live for; her husband had been sentenced to life in prison for murdering her dealer. It was a heavy day, a lot like the one a few months earlier when they'd chased down the Collins brothers and the three kidnapped girls. Erin had spent the evening with Jay after that, just sitting together and being with each other. It had helped a lot.

It had been somewhere around thirteen years since she'd been through it all; the drugs, the abusive exes, the arrests… but it still hit close to home when she had cases like that to deal with.

A walk usually helped, and she found herself on one after she clocked out for the night. She wanted a drink but couldn't reach Jay on his cell. Burgess was at the bar already, so she figured she'd just meet her there and they'd have a few beers and that would be it. Erin really wanted Jay to be there; she hoped maybe he was, and that he just didn't have any reception. He'd left the office early for something.

She crossed the street, a few blocks away from the bar, and was about to pass by her favourite coffee shop when she saw him coming out the door, with two coffees to go.

'Jay,' she called, smiling broadly. 'Hi.'

He looked caught off guard, and glanced back into the coffee shop quickly. 'Hey.'

'Everything okay?'

'Yeah, great. Sorry I missed your calls – I was a little busy.'

Erin frowned. He seemed uncomfortable. 'Don't worry about it. I'm on my way to meet Burgess for a drink. You in?'

He was about to answer, but someone cut him off.

'Jay, sorry! I saw an old friend from school, thought I'd say hello.'

A beautiful brunette emerged then, and linked her arm with Jay's. She smiled, somewhat forcefully, at Erin, and ran her free hand along Jay's arm. 'Hi,' she said. 'I'm Jenny.'

Erin fought hard to bury the swelling feeling of hurt in her stomach. She too forced a smile. 'Hi there.' Once again, Jay was about to speak, but Erin didn't much feel like talking anymore. 'I'd better go, Burgess is waiting for me. See you later, Jay. Nice to meet you, Jenny.'

'You too!' Jenny called after her as she walked away from them.

When she was safely around the corner, she stopped and took a deep breath. The butterflies that had sprung to life upon seeing Jay had quickly turned to stones, and with every thought of him with Jenny, Erin felt herself becoming more and more upset. She took a moment, composed herself, then headed straight for the bar with every intention of getting drunk off her ass.

* * *

_Had to go; family stuff. Sorry! _

It was Burgess.

'Typical,' Erin said to herself, as she put her cell back in her pocket.

All she wanted was a game drinking buddy. Luckily for her, Ruzek was still there and, all by himself, was downing some tequila. Erin slid onto the stool next to him and took the next shot out of his hand. She drank it without so much as a wince. He raised his eyebrows.

'Rough day?'

She just looked at him, then ordered them both some more shots.

'Rough day,' Ruzek confirmed for himself, then clinked his glass with hers in cheers. 'Join the club.'

'Wendy?'

He nodded.

'Want to talk about it?'

He shook his head. She already knew what it was about, though.

'I'm sick of being the bad guy,' he said a moment later, signalling the bartender.

'You're not a bad guy, Adam.'

He turned to look at her, and it might have been the tequila, but Lindsay saw something like... attraction flash in his eyes as he leaned a little bit closer. The drink was starting to have an effect on him, she could tell.

'I lie to her.'

'I know.'

'It's just so damn hard to do what we do, and then go home at the end of the day like it's any other job.'

Erin felt bad for him. She knew what it was like to feel like you had to hide a part of yourself from someone you cared about. Jay had found her file, where she was listed as one of Voight's former CIs, but she hadn't told him the whole truth. She wasn't ready for the way he would probably look at her if he knew all about it. She felt an ache in her stomach. She wanted to be honest with him, she really did. She knew where she was in her feelings for him, that she wanted _something_. But clearly he didn't feel the same, and she was started to resent waiting around for him.

'People don't understand what this job is like,' she said, putting a hand on Ruzek's arm. 'Not unless they do it themselves.'

'You mean like you and Halstead?'

Erin looked him in the eye. 'There is no me and Halstead.'

'Oh.'

His eyes flickered from her eyes to her lips and back again. He put his hand over the one she had on his arm, and started drawing circles with his thumb. He looked down.

'I'm not ready to get married.'

Erin didn't know what to say to that, so she did the only logical thing she could think of. She ordered more drinks.

In retrospect, she wouldn't have done that. In retrospect, she would have moved her hand away, and not bitten her lip in desire when he looked at her. She didn't know where the sudden rush of attraction for Ruzek came from, but she figured it had to do with the tequila and her longing for someone else. Still, that didn't stop her when he kissed her, or when he grabbed their jackets, and it certainly didn't stop her taking him back to her apartment.

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Jay had tried to get away from Jenny earlier, but he didn't want to just ditch her. He walked her home, let her down easily and then sped off to the bar. It had been an hour, but he figured Erin might still be there with the guys. It wasn't late, after all. Unluckily for him, she was nowhere to be seen. He noticed Atwater over by the bar and made a beeline for the guy.

'Yeah, Lindsay was here,' Atwater said. 'Left about an hour ago, I think.'

'Alright, thanks man,' Jay said, intending to head over to her apartment. Atwater put a hand on his shoulder before he could leave.

'She wasn't wasted, but probably wasn't in her right mind.'

Jay raised an eyebrow. 'What makes you say that?'

Atwater looked regretfully at him. 'She went home with Ruzek, and they looked pretty friendly.'

The back of Jay's neck went hot, and he felt something bubble in his stomach. Jealousy. Rage. Hurt. He knew he had no right to feel that way. Whatever was between him and Erin had never been defined, and he hadn't really made a move on her, and likewise neither had she. But he knew the look on her face when she'd seen Jenny had meant something. Apparently, it just didn't mean enough.

'Ruzek,' he heard himself say. 'Isn't he engaged?'

Atwater shrugged. 'Didn't look that way to me.'

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_Review? Pretty please?_  
_I know the Ruzek thing with his fiancee isn't canon, but I can definitely see that relationship not working out on the show and them calling it quits. To me it just doesn't seem like he wants to get married. Just me? I don't know. Hope you liked this one-shot! x_


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